If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
