I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
