I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
