Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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