i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
