A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
