therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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