I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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