I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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