somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
