Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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