does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
