Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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