I love black thongs
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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