Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
