Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
