Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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