listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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