I seem to have left my pride at pride
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize