just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
