it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
