There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
