Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
