it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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