Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
