ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
