If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
