u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
