I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
