How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Randomize
