just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
