I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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