Apparently you make a good broom.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
