I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
