That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
