Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
