She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
