4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
