oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
