you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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