so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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