I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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