I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
