God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
