cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
