I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
