I am puke
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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