Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
