My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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