I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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