I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
