I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
