im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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