The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
