I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
