He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
