We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
