dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
