Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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