What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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