Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
