Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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