so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
