yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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