Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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