To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
